The Stages of Grief in Modern Dating Life
I just wanted this, with HIM, to be over. I stared straight ahead, my hand on the keys dangling from the ignition. It was if I was being choked by paralytic emotion; not being able to speak or do anything. The uncertainty of not knowing if, or when, he will show up made my stomach drop. It seemed inevitable he would enter my life again. I felt powerless. I still did not know what I would do when he did show up. Multiple possible scenarios flicked before my eyes much like a wheel at a casino. Firstly, I pictured myself embracing him with affection and then almost felt myself slam the door in his face.
The idiosyncrasies of human emotion are like the weather here in Brisbane. We know there are four seasons that come and go like clockwork every year. Sometimes the depth and duration of a winter’s cold breath was longer and deeper than expected. At other times, a summer would spread across the other seasons, making Autumn and Spring feel like a mere whisper of what they could have been. We can always rely on the seasons to progress year after year, much like human emotions in the stages of grief.
The stages of grief are pretty straight forward when you think about it; anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance (Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, 1969). Knowing such things in life about grief does not mean you are able to apply such knowledge when you are personally involved. Take myself for instance. Just because I am a well-educated professional with significant life experience, it does not mean I am fully able to apply such knowledge or stop my own paralytic grief. However, it does help me experience and understand emotion more than the average person. My uncanny ability to navigate these stages quickly and efficiently has increased due to the amount of times I have had to experience grief and loss in my intimate relationships. It took me less than 4 weeks to do this with HIM again.
The denial appeared when I ignored his first text. The anger came when he didn’t respond, ghosted me and gaslighted me through his portrayal of familiarity and a possible future relationship. The narcissistic tendencies emerged further in the form of calling me crazy when I questioned his actions and statements. The bargaining surfaced when I expressed my lack of desire to be with him if he continued to treat me terribly.
This current stage I found myself in, depression, was the hardest stage to work through. I was over feeling like this because of HIM. A car drove by and jolted me out of my misery. I sighed as I started the ignition and made a right hand turn towards home. I knew I had to let myself feel these human emotions so I could move forward to accept what is, and have faith in what will be. Somehow I was aware once I entered that final state of acceptance, I would be able to let go of these emotions, once and for all, and find my future life partner. Little did I know that once I did that, I was able to see what was around the corner; and by around the corner, I mean that absolutely literally!
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